hope

Graced

When love touches grace the fires burn brightly. The glow with the dim lights of passion, the burn with the red embers of lust and they soar and sputter with the wispy arms of joy. Love can burn long and low. Seem like nothing much to those outside but be hot enough to provide and keep everything moving. Love can scorch hot and quick like the one night affair or single year of attachment. Love can come to you in a lighting bolt of longing that you never saw coming. Giving life to a passion that would mow down any other feeling you may have had in the past. Making new way for life and love. Destroying everything you grew in previous relationships, your trust, happiness, dreams, hopes and, wishes. Making a path open for growth of friendships, understanding, caring, comfort, and closeness that you could have never felt before. Let the lairs lie, let the cheaters cheat. Their heat of love is only scaring you. What burns you one day, prepares you for new love and life on another.

He did so much worse then cheat, or lie. He destroyed utterly everything I had. He selfishly piled his own needs and fantasies to fuel a fire he couldn’t contain. He didn’t look around at what I had built, at what I had so carefully laid out and made home to. He saw what he wanted and didn’t have. He gave excuse after excuse. When the storm came and burned me to a crisp. I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t breath. I didn’t even think I could live any longer. I gave up. I saw the ashes of hate, fear and, loathing around me and cried. I wept over the scorched lands of my heart as the earth would weep for her dying child. I wept for the loss of all the great things I had planned. I wept for the broken dreams I saw shattered in front of me. I wept most of all for the love I still held, I hated it. I wanted it to burn and die. I wanted to dash it on the ground and stomp it into dust. However, in my haste of everything crashing around me, I held onto it as a reminder. This was real, it was something that I had and kept because it had been there the whole time. It was my love, the one I had given freely, now covered in the ashes of this mess. I cried over it, cleaned it with my tears and saw myself inside.

I rose from the rubble and looked deeper. This love I held was something I had always given away without thinking about it. I didn’t know what to do with it. I could feel it needed something but I didn’t know what. I found someone who looked at it and smiled gently, “it is not mine.”, and sent me on my way. I gave it again, “it is not mine”, yet again but this time I was closer. Because this time, I had found someone who understood. I gave it over, “This is not mine, it is for you. Love yourself and watch what happens.”. It was as if he had opened a flood gate, but he didn’t step back out of the way and watch me fumble, he stood there strong as a rock and grabbed on. He showed me how to light the small simple fire that would keep my passion burning for myself. He taught me about how different types of dreams took time and that didn’t mean I should forget them. He helped me rebuild my love for myself, and in doing so, I made a room in that place for him. I love him as if he had always meant to be there. I love him more and more each day as I see the fruit of friendship he planted so many years ago.

My lesson is this, understand that things happen. It will always happen. Fill your life with wonderful people who understand you and you can rebuild. You can find passion and fires worth your time. Be yourself, and love yourself, as you learn to love yourself, you can then find love for others more passionate then you could have ever imagined. Know that sometimes, letting go is hard, but necessary for growth and development. If you cling to the destruction you smother your own personal potential for rebuilding something better.

I love you all, you are all my very special people.

Advertisements